In his last moments of consciousness
by an-earl
Summary: '"Ka..k..Kakashi".Opening his eye, the dark silhouette of a child stood before him. His borrowed sharingan's limit had far been reached, and now he had to pay the price. As he opened his eyes once more,he was greeted with the face of Rin Nohara. ' Canon,chapter 604/605, kakashi realises he killed Rin. Rated M for ANGST, blood and gore. Sequel story is up.
1. Chapter 1:The Voice- Prologue

In his last moments of consciousness

"Ka…k…Kakashi…"was the last thing Hatake Kakashi heard. Opening his eyes, the dark silhouette of a child stood before him. His borrowed sharingan's limit had far been reached long ago, and now he had to pay the price. His left socket was burning, as if a red hot poker had being forcefully rammed through to singe the very nerves, and was about to burst in to flames at any moment. Sharp pain was searing throughout his body, forcing his muscles to spasm at the slightest whisper of wind, and he found himself shaking.

The pain in his eye was searing and the sharingan inside felt still foreign, blinding him in episodes. His vision was still blurred and he squinted in an effort to make out the dark silhouette before him. "Ka…k…Kakashi…"the word was spoken ever so quickly, ever so softly, but the gentlest of the current bought them to the edge of his ears.

It was times like this in which he wished his mind would cease to be so keen; as his body hung in fatigue, his subconscious never dulled. And he had trained it himself to be this way. And in that moment of a few precious seconds, he regretted it all.

"Ka…k…Kakashi…" the one word, spoken with such serenity, such reverence, still failed to conceal the jarring surprise which flitted through to every last syllable-hardly noticeable to any except the boy who the word was meant for.

The soft, sweet voice of the girl cut through him clean like a blade, piercing his stoic control over his body and emotion. "Ka…k…Kakashi…" was the last sound the girl could manage to stutter, and each syllable impaled the boy, causing more pain than the war had ever inflicted on him.

"Ka…k…Kakashi…"the voice, finally breaking his trance, forcibly plunged him into awareness. He could feel his chakra, now weak and inconsistent, fluctuate within his every vein. He could feel it pooling around his outstretched right arm hovering before him. Electricity rippled throughout his body, concentrating at his fingertips, causing his ears to crinkle at the continuous, cackling sparks erupting from the pinpointed energy.

For a moment, he was blinded not by the glow of oscillating blue but the colour of red in his one remaining opened eye. The red pool in his eye and clouded his vision once more before spilling out, and the feeling of thick hot liquid trickling down his face was foreign to him. Then, he had no idea the sight of red in his eyes, and the feeling of blood rolling off his cheeks would become a norm.

"Ka…k…Kakashi…"

Sense returned to him soon after, the familiar voice alarming him as it hung eerily in the air. As he opened his eyes once more, the red still spilling out from his sharingan eye, he was greeted with the face of Rin Nohara.


	2. Chapter 2: Rin

Rin was a beautiful girl. The boy could remember her dimpled smiles and her jingling laughter that was music to his ears. Rin had the biggest heart of all. He remembered the tender touch of her hands that healed him, time and time again. Hands which had known the touch of blood more than anything else. And yet they hung down loosely at her side. His sharingan was whizzing around unleashed in his rented socket, greedily consuming the image of the broken girl with a lustful hunger, eager to capture her every last inhale and exhale of breath- to her very last.

There was nothing to stop him staring into the beautiful face of Rin. Her brown eyes, once occupied with naive innocence, were long replaced by the anguish and horror of war. She no longer looked the youthful girl she should've been , her face creased ever so slightly, aging her appearance. She had eyes that looked through you, eyes that screamed of seeing far too much and more than she deserved. Her brunette hair framed her pale face and the blue fabric of the head-protector adorned her forehead. The konoha symbol branded it and it was proof that she, like the boy, was a ninja.

Electricity sparked in frenzy as the boy registered the sight. To his utter horror, the boy could only gape at a sight that until then, he wouldn't have dreamed of even in the worst of his multitude of nightmares.

His outstretched hand was embedded deep into the chest of Rin Nohara.

He felt the full force of his destructive power rip through the girl's body. This was real. Kakashi had never been more frightened in his life as a soldier. His hand twitched along with the Chidori and he could pinpoint Rin's body heat dissipating away millisecond after millisecond. He could hear her ribs crack as his hand thrust deeper and deeper into the heart of her chest. He felt his heart shudder against his ribcage every time his hand brushed past a pulsating organ.

And then, he could feel her flesh break at his finger tips as his chidori amplified at the climax, ripping through what little was left of her until the other side. He was alarmed by the rush of coldness as his hand burst out into the open, crisp air, the chidori still sizzling into his prey. Electricity coursed through Rin's body and the lone wisps of hair began to stand on end.

The chidori at the end of the gaping hole illuminated the girl's silhouette, projecting shadows behind her and making her glow with a ghostly light accompanied with her pretty, pale face. A familiar colour burst ceremoniously from her chapped lips, wetting them as it rolled down her chin. A splatter of red landed on the boy's face, but, unlike the hot, thick liquid staining his mask, it landed on his face cold, causing him to flinch.

Kakashi was terrified and repulsed by the sight. He willed to look away, somehow, to close his eyes and pretend he couldn't see. But his left eye snapped open and his stare stood transfixed on the girl, the keen sharingan filing away the gruesome image perfectly, against his will.

His eyes were caught on Rins, and she stared at him, stared through him with those piercing eyes, a pair of hazel-flecked, walnut-coloured deserts, eternally encircling an eclipse. Her eyes were a journey to behold and held sandstorms within. She spoke with him through her eyes as electricity mutilated her throat. They held no sense of hate. There was no blame towards her killer. Only pity. Surprise. Sadness. An apology.

Perhaps it would have been easier if she had hated him. It amplified the boy's pain and anguish spread from his centre to every single nerve currently able to feel. Excruciating pain shot up within him as his irregular breaths fluctuated, making it harder to concentrate. Suffocating in his own kind of madness, he could do nothing but hold the unyielding stare of Rin. He watched her, unblinking, as his electricity penetrated to every inch of her skin. She spoke through her eyes, and Kakashi could see them say "goodbye."


	3. Chapter 3: The Dead

Chapter 3 The Dead

He wanted to look away so badly. He wanted to close his eyes and never open them again, but it was as if the sharingan or someone else was holding them open, forcing him to face his greatest fear- see his final work of twisted art.

Unable to look away, Kakashi watched the light fade out of Rin's eyes and all the meaning, all the memories disappear into oblivion. He watched as the vibrance of her irises darkened like the sun had finally set in her mind. A nothingness bloomed within them, spreading to the very edges of her eyes, and threatening to engulf her existence. He found himself staring into those cold, black pools which now occupied her eyes, and those never-ending pits still held his stare, still arresting, unable to speak, unable to see.

In a heartbeat, Rin's insides became eerily still, and the stillness consumed Kakashi's arm, still embedded through Rin's body. The sharingan was working furiously now, consuming gluttonously, every last detail, every drop of beaded sweat and every pitter patter of rain upon the pale face. Kakashi could see the once beautiful face, adorned with those dead staring eyes, the very last look of alarm, and the look of someone knowing they were moments from death. The realisation lingered upon her face, and Rin's face was forever etched in Kakashi's consciousness.

Rin was dead.

As if the rest of her body had somehow delayed this fact, Rin's eye lids lowered seconds later, and her mouth dropped open , quivering. Blood mixed with the rain streaming down her hair and forehead-protector.

Finally, her legs buckled under her weight, and Kakashi's one arm could not support her dead body. Hastily willing his arm back into control, he clamped his gloved fingers shut upon Rin's right shoulder. In a short, deft movement, the buzz of the chidori sizzled into silence as he wrenched his hand free from her body. Ready for the spurt of blood which erupted from her wound, Kakashi could never prepare himself to face the large gaping hole within her chest. The shower of red left the putrid smell of blood lingering in the air, but the boy, so accustomed to the stench of death, couldn't register it in his mind.

Rin's lifeless body wavered in his clutch before he finally allowed himself to let go. Though the subtle parting of his fingers was bitter, her emotionless and silent demeanour made him physically struggle against the impulse to grasp her and violently shake her back to sense. But his fatigue restrained his frantic urge and instead, he watched Rin Nohara's corpse sway dangerously before edging backwards, slowly. Kakashi watched wordlessly as the sharingan saw and recorded the limpness in her motion and the strange angular flailing of her arms, wobbling outstretched as if trying, even in death, to hold onto a last something. Her arms reached out before her, but Kakashi made no attempt to catch them. She fell. He watched her neck tilt back to bare her pale neck, soiled with streams of red trailing down to stain the rims of her clothes.

Kakashi stood and watched Rin Nohara's dead corpse fall like a flimsy rag doll, limbs flailing in a strange eccentricity that was in no way possible for the living to achieve. Her mouth propped open and eyes still staring yet half-closed made her pretty face seem much older and disturbingly, more peaceful than Kakashi had ever seen her alive.

Her falling was grotesque. Her flaccid body seemed so fragile that she really could not have been more than a puppet made of glass, its string cut from the ends and about to shatter when it hit the floor. Kakashi had been the one to cut the string, and he almost hoped she would shatter on the floor and disappear.

But she hit the ground, head first, in almost-silence under the guise of the rain, and as she did, the boy felt another pang of pain sear up inside him, making him sick. He didn't dare move, not knowing what to do should his very thought crack her delicate body. The sharingan quivered in his eye, blood still flowing, the socket throbbing as if on fire and ready to burst.

In the wake of the movement, Kakashi realised suddenly of his shivering. Rin Nohara's seemingly distorted body lay in ruin before him, and he couldn't help but stare at the large, gaping hole in her chest. Red began to run in frenzy from the wound, the tips of her hair adopting the colour, and the last of the electricity singeing it.

Her eyes sifted slowly shut, and she looked honestly peaceful, as if she were simply asleep. But Rin Nohara was dead.

Hatake Kakashi stood as he watched Rin seemingly drown in her own blood. His body had long disobeyed his limits, and his uncontrollable shaking shook him to the core. He felt as if every one of his bones would break and crack like the sound of Rin's head meeting the muddied ground. Another hot liquid clouded his eyes and he felt it burn down his cheeks. Before long, his emotions caught up with him and tears came, cascading down his broken face and blood-soaked mask. Through the permeating rain, he felt his eye whizzing out of control again, and in a sudden craze, he wished to rip the disloyal pupil form his socket and crush it his first. But it was his only memento from Obito, and he accepted the excruciating punishment only to realise, this, was a mercy compared to his crime.

He had promised the owner of the eye, he had promised Obito. He made a vow to Rin Nohara. Uchiha Obito had loved her, he had loved her to death and Kakashi had killed her with his own hands. Hate boiled up in him as pain pierced him throughout. He ached everywhere and frankly, death didn't seem much like the hell he was living. He caused Obito to die for him. He had killed Rin, the only friend he really had. The war goes on.

The boy's sharingan, in the turmoil of the thought, spiralled and spasmed in its socket and, feeling another gush of blood drip down, the pain ceased. Mangekou Sharingan manifested in his eye. And, unable to focus for another second, one last image of Rin penetrated to the fore front of his mind. He could see it; he could see her in front of him, the rain pounding on her face exactly as it had mere moments before, his hand, his chakra, his chidori mutilating her. "Ka…k…Kakashi…" The soft, sad voice, pitiful to hear, and lined with the shock of impending death and unconditional forgiveness, echoed in his mind. The last of her speech reflected once again in her precious eyes "goodbye." And he was forced again to see the light leave her eyes and stare again into those staring, yet unseeing pits of endlessness.

Then the boy's mind fell blank, his eyelids lowered shut and he was unconscious before he hit the floor, unable to taste the blood in his mouth. In an act of mercy, Kakashi could not hear the screams of a familiar voice on the battlefield.

earl-of-221B's Writers Notes

Thank you so so so much for reading! this concludes the fic.

I tried to weave some forshadowy stuff throughout ,with his eye hurting and im sure u all know who that is in the last line ;)

forgive me, i know im a very wordy writer and i cant help it sometimes, though i do like some of the metaphors and stuff ive added in this- like rin being the last ray of sunshine in kakashis life, how his generation was all born into war, hence rin is more peacful in death- rin and kakashi both have blood on their hands-

i think i put a bit of emphasis on the sharingan and how it was like, recording everything and going off like it had a mind of its own, because, yea, it kinda does. Hopefully this isnt a spoiler but, i was trying to make it so u could feel the presence of the original eye owner and imagine him seeing and feeling the same thing kakashi is. like, that moment where kakashi has his arm through rin, obito was seeing that too (and i guess that ties in with the burning socket, sharingan change and stuff)

i do wish i could have better portrayed their age... i kept trying to refer to kakashi as a boy, though i dont think that did enough...i mean theyre all so young and this kinda backstory would fk anyone up. do keep in mind this fic spans over a couple minutes at the most.

I do have a couple of sequel fics written, about Kakashi's ptsd years after this event, so please check those out i will publish as soon as time permits :)

Thank you again for reading, do leave a review and any criticism is greatly appreciated.


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